au_natural_x

me.
i am me.
i am me and not anyone but me.
i can't lie about being me.
i can't hide me from me.
i can't hide me from you.
i cant hide being me from you.
i just wish i knew who i was.


i mean i know,
i actually know quite well,
but what i know,
is what they tell me i can't be,
so if im wrong about me,
then what am i?

they tell me you can't just graduate high school,
and go off and paint and day dream all day,
they tell me you can't not match,
or not wear make up,
they tell me you can't just have a few friends,
and go and smoke you're sorrows away in a pack of camels,
they tell me you can't just not like guys,
and be with the girls all the time,
they tell me you can't just not do homework,
or try to rebel against any authority,
they tell me you just can't,
they tell me i just can't do anything that i do.

but funny thing is,
thats me.
so if i can't be me,
why be at all?

if im wrong about me,
then here, person who's not in my head,
tell me,
who am i?
eh?
who am i?

so uhh i got a live journal bc i was looking at some and i liked how it wasnt based on pictures or anything like that.

it was just a cool place to vent or share you day with your friends.

so where do i start?

everything is basically falling apart these days.

my mind is never where it needs to be, never.
my grades in school have hit an all time low,
im failing three classes. :(

and since thats all that matter to my parents, they're on my ass 24/7.
and i just about want to shoot myself in the brain.

i barely have any close friends because i dont let anyone in anymore.
i hate to seem like im whining, or im being "emo", so i guess i just hold my emotions inside.
i find myself crying alot these days, randomly, for no reason.
which means things arent right.

i wanna get away from here, i've been here my entire life, i need something new, something better.
i decided not to settle for this shitty city, i cant be here anymore.

and until i can get out, im not going to get better, no matter how much i try to change things here.
i've noticed its not the place, its everything that comes along with it, the people, the attitudes, the feelings.

i want to get better, i want to be happy again, not just happy for the time being, but truly happy.
not putting on a smile when someone makes me laugh, but smiling when im all alone bc without those people to make me laugh, i can still be happy.

all these things i want cant happen, not with the family i've got,
i dont know why i dream so much, its never going anywhere,
they dont have the money or the time or the knowledge to help me.

they dont understand me, they seriously think im crazy,
im too complex for them, they're simple minded people.

they just think im lazy, and uninterested,

only if they knew....